I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and she was petting her beer can
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
