Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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