So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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