um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
