He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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