We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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