I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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