party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Welp...herpes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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