how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
