You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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