wakey wakey hands off snakey
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
