I look better un-naked...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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