Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So vagazzling was a success
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
