he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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