just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
