dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
