life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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