for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
