So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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