Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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