Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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