Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
