I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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