I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
These tits shall not be calmed
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