And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
