I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
