Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
