Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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