eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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