Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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