so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize