I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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