I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
