my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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