I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
