giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
