ugly people sure do ruin things
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
