the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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