the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
