Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
