so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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