i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
