What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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