I have demons in me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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