I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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