Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
