I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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