onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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