this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
