I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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