You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
