shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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