Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
