My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
