This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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