I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
