For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
