i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
