I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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