I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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