Whod you bang
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
