New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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