somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
