So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
