He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
