The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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