Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
