I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
